you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
