Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
