I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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