i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
