a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
