i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
