I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
