I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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