she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
