lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
