I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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