No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have tasted many bathrooms
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
