so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
