I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need to sanitize my soul.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
