i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
