people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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