this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
tell me about the eggs
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
