if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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