Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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