i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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