he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
