I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
don't judge my taste in strippers
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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