just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
