Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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