do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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