I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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