guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
