Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
