Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
