Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
