just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
organizing the empties. That sober.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
