Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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