Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
