Cold hands, warm shart.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
