Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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