It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
