Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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