Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
