Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Green mimosas i think yes
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
