You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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