So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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