It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
