The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
