He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
