Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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