Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
