Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
