Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Drake has all the answers
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
