He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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