Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
