Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
