just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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