I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
