omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
