did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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