I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
