Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
