Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
