This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
