i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
