you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
