I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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